I'm not complicated. I'm simply intricate. | eyesofatragedy's Blog

I have been pondering for some time now about an aspect of my perception. There have been many moments where I was scratching my head as to the strange nature that is my mind.

When I see people, with my eyes, I do, technically, see them and their appearance. However, I do not connect to their being through their shell. And yet, I am a visual artist. I am considering that I am a very visual person as a whole (e.g. visual learner). So, why am I not hung up on the superficial, mental piracy?

I realized something not too long ago.
Ever since I was very young, I have been primarily a loner. I think that I was fairly social. But nevertheless, I remained a loner. So, to compensate for the lack of another necessity, I started to live in my mind. I adapted. I began to imagine others were in the room with me. I would practice this so often, it became second-nature. I never actually "saw" anyone. However, I would go so deeply into the fantasy, as often happens with intense and intricate thinking in an individual like myself, that I'd momentarily leave my life, so to speak. And because I could not physically see them, what I "saw" was their personalities, their motives, their choices, and their souls. I was the author, after all. I knew them well. And they accepted and liked me for who I was. To this day, I still crave time alone to be with "others," and express myself honestly and in-full. They always appreciate me.

I see in concepts and the abstract. I want to see people for who they are. I want to see everything for what it is.  The visual art is simply a vessel for the abstract and concepts in my soul. It's a vessel to express myself to those who do not live in my mind. To those who exist. To those who may not appreciate me or to those who may.

And now my brain is exhausted in trying to understand parts of itself and then trying to share its findings in simple words.